Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: work, brownies, peanut butter, wednesday, breakfast
there’s not a whole lot
that i enjoy more
than eating a brownie with peanut butter on it
for breakfast.
it’s a happy wednesday indeed.
hello, work.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: baby niece, being lucky, being thankful, boyfriend, car sing-a-longs, goodnight kisses, happiness, inside jokes, life, love, michael
out of all of the people in the whole
entire world, how did i end up so lucky?
how did i find someone who makes my
heart so happy?
someone who can make me laugh with just a few words,
someone who can make me cry with even fewer.
someone who can break me down,
but also take me higher than i ever have been before.
someone who will sing mariah carey songs in a high-pitched voice
in the car with me.
someone who knows my favorite flower, and is familiar with all my freckles.
someone who is in love with my niece the same way i am.
someone who will rub my feet and pray for me.
someone who will play games with me, and always come back for one more goodnight kiss.
someone who i would be happy to spend my entire
life getting to know better.
out of all the people in the universe, how did i find someone who fills up my heart
all the way up?
i must have a pretty wonderful life.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: comfortable, hope, john mayer, love, lyrics, music
every single time i hear john mayers song “comfortable”,
i want to sob.
i am in love with this song.
i just downloaded it, and am probably going to listen to it 98 times before i sleep.
i want to have this comfortable love of mine forever.
i want an eternal love affair.
i desperately need to believe that it’s possible
to be in love, and stay in love forever.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: 2010, God, hope, new year, picture frames, starting over, target
i got lots of pictures printed at good ol’ target today.
switched out most of my old framed pictures,
and replaced them with fancy new ones.
i haven’t changed any of the pictures in my room since…
well… since i bought the frames, probably.
but it’s time for a whole new year.
a whole new everything, i hope.
i’ve never felt this rejuvinated at the beginning of a year before.
things are starting to look up.
and i want to be reminded of that every time i look at a pretty picture
in my room.
:]
thank you lord, for giving me the grace i need to make it
through every day. one minute at a time.
you’re good to me.
Filed under: Uncategorized
i would be a millionare.
Filed under: Uncategorized
i haven’t written in so long.
not just on here, but anywhere.
i don’t even write down my prayers anymore.
i just have too much going on inside me.
i’m so scared that if i start writing,
i’ll never be able to stop.
and all of my terrible thoughts will be somewhere
out in the world where i can never get them back.
so i just keep them in my mind, until they
wear themselves out.
they flow back and forth in my head and through my
veins.
my mind is never quiet.
and my heart can never decide.
i don’t really know how to be right now.
but i think i’m going to write again,
so that maybe i can figure it out.
i just want a little peace.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: best friend, christmas, family, jewel, pure hilarity, sisters
my best friend is coming home today!
i think we were supposed to be twins.
i don’t even have to say anything, and rachel
just understands.
she would beat anyone up for me.
or verbally harass them, if i asked.
she hates who i hate and loves who i adore.
(unless, of course, i’m 15 and we’re talking about a certain someone
who deserved to be hated when i loved them… OH boy.)
rachel has always looked out for me.
and i’ve always looked up to her.
we fight like we’re 6 years old sometimes,
but i know nothing could change how we’d do anything for each other.
and also, we have reason to believe that the jewel song “you were meant for me”
was in fact written for us.
i can’t wait to get me some of dis!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: forgiveness, god's grace, grudges, matthew 18, prayer
Matthew 18:23-35
23 “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. 24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.25 He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt. 26 “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ 27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt. 28 “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. 29 “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. 30 But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full. 31 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. 32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. 35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”
i read this tonight.
and realized how selfish it is to keep
these feelings of unforgiveness and anger all locked up inside my head.
i am alive because of God’s awesome & total forgiveness.
how can i refuse to forgive someone for wronging me,
when i’ve done just the same to God all my life?
this all makes perfect sense to me.
i just hope & pray i can put it into practice.
lord, help me move on.
Filed under: Uncategorized
i feel like i’m on the brink of something.
i’m not even sure what.
like, i’m standing on a mountain.
and i’m either going to tumble back down it,
or just fall right over the side.
sometimes i just think i’m going to lose it.
the one ounce of sanity i have left in my body
fades in and out.
i can’t think about things rationally.
i’m just mad.
i’m so frustrated, and betrayed, and heartbroken, and spiteful, and hurt,
and just… angry.
i was not supposed to be let down like this.
why am i still here, anyways?
because i have no idea where else to go.
i’m hurting everywhere.
so i might as well just stand still.
and wait for it to pass.
and as for the mountain…
well, i hope nothing else shakes me.
because i know i’m closer to falling off every time
the familiar sting of sadness creeps back into my tired eyes.
sometimes, i just wish i wouldn’t wake up again.
Filed under: Uncategorized
the ever-insightful cc pointed this out to me-
i write to remember.
(whereas she writes to forget.)
oh, that i could forget.
if only it could be erased.
maybe that’s what i’m pursuing.
the deletion of these past few weeks.
well, months i suppose.
months of being so unaware.
so utterly blinded by my own optimism.
i see the people i love in the best light possible.
i always give the benefit of the doubt.
and when i say i trust you, man do i really trust you.
and now, i feel like that stupid dog.
you know the one.
that dog that ALWAYS looks (and maybe even starts running) for
the toy that you only pretended to throw across the yard.
why wouldn’t you throw it?
you promised you would.
of course i believed you, you’ve never quite let me down like this before.
and now, i wait.
i’ve just got to see if it will happen again.
god, don’t let it happen again.
please pick up the pieces of my heart.
show me what to do.
i cannot do this alone.
i cannot breathe.
i cannot eat.
i cannot sleep.
or love.
or trust.
or hope.
or live.
i cannot do this alone.
i am bitter.
help me forgive, father.
show me how to live.
