October 5th
October 6, 2011
All day yesterday, I planned on saying something sweet to you. Something to remind you that yesterday was a little more special than a regular day.
Yesterday was October 5th. And three years ago on that same day, we said that we loved each other for the first time.
We had played on the playground after church that day. I had the most giant crush on you. I told you that I loved everything about you.
That’s how we worded it. We said it all the time. It was so silly, because we both know we loved each other. But I guess we were nervous. We would say some variation of that every night when we got off the phone. “Goodnight, baby… I’m so in love with… everything about you.”
But not on October 5th. We were sitting in the living room (I mean, what’s new?). It was a sunshiney, shadowy, wonderful fall afternoon. We had been kissing for a few minutes, and then you stopped. You looked at me for a second and then you put your face close to mine again. “I love you, Elizabeth”, you said so quietly. When my heart stopped pounding in my ears, I said it back. “I love you too, Michael.”
And then when we got off the phone at night, we could finally say it. We could say it 100 times a day if we wanted. And we probably did. It was the most relieving and comforting thing to say. I’d never loved anyone more. And I’m so glad that I never will.
I can’t believe all of the things we’ve gone through together, love.
There have been times where I’ve seriously wished that I didn’t love you. I’m sure there have been those times for you, too. When it would’ve been easier to walk away, to not figure it out.
There have been times that we’ve lied to each other, we’ve yelled, we’ve gone home angry.
There have been times that I’ve ignored your calls and you haven’t answered my questions.
But then there was a time when we realized how broken we were (and are). We cried, we asked for forgiveness, and we held on to Jesus.
And He’s been the one to hold onto us, and to hold us together ever since.
That makes October 5th even more special. Because I know that without Him, you would’ve given up on figuring me out a long time ago.
And without Him, I would’ve grown bitter and impatient a long time ago.
It is so incredible to me that He’s given us so many days together. So many ‘I love you’s to say. So many fights to get over. So many secrets to share, jokes to tell, drives to take, adventures to have together.
I did love you 3 years ago. But I had no idea how fragile it was. And I had no idea that it would be impossible to hold it together by ourselves.
Now that I have some sort of tiny idea of how hard it is, I want to say I love you even more.
Thank the Lord for His grace.
And thank you babe, for being the one that I get to figure it out with.
